‘Am I any good?’

‘Am I any good?’

The title of this blog is in inverted commas because it typifies a question I’m often asked in one form or another by people I’m mentoring or at my Acting Confident workshops. The workshop is focussed on confidence for auditions and as we talk amidst the various exercises and role-play scenarios, someone will ask the question, either with courage directly or in a roundabout way as in ‘there are times when I doubt my ability’ or ‘sometimes I think I’m not cut out to be an actor’.

It’s a question I used to ask myself – when I wasn’t an actor. It was one of those blockers that stopped me taking any steps to find out. I don’t think I ever verbalised it, either in conversation or internal monologue but I think it was always there in some form or other. My attempts to answer the unspoken question was to seek approval from others. On the whole it didn’t come. I did a great course at the Actors Centre on film and TV acting. It was run by someone who’d had a regular role in a UK returning drama series. We learnt some stuff and put it into practice quickly by filming with a couple of set-ups. We analysed the shots, critiqued the outcomes and, as far as I could tell, we all left the course feeling positive. That was good but when I later contacted the course leader and we met, it became clear that there was a less positive side to her view of my ability and I left feeling deflated and, once again, I didn’t take the steps needed to begin acting professionally. I prevaricated.

I tried another one-to-one and got a very similar downbeat response. I think this mentor just pulled one of her stock responses out of her mentoring bag – ‘You need to learn to breathe’. That’s a common one amongst acting teachers. It didn’t help.

One person who did help was my very good friend and esteemed teacher June Mitchell. We worked together on some characters and scenes and I had and have no idea what she thought of my ability. She really knows her stuff and she understands that the role of an acting teacher is not to judge, but to help. She showed me what could be and I decided, for myself, that I had some way to go to get there.

After some of these experiences I had a little bravado-fuelled reverie where I turned round to the more critical ‘teachers’ and said, ‘See! You were wrong. Look at me, I am successful.’ But when I did take the step and started getting work I could see that their contributions were an important part of getting there because it was not their judgement that mattered but my own. They were right because I was right. I wasn’t ready. It was an inner thing, a confidence issue.

How did I move from there to where I am now? I simply realised that there is no such thing as good acting. Look at films of ‘great’ performances from the past. Would they be considered great today? Some would and some wouldn’t. Consider the Oscar winning performances since 1927 – all stand-out examples of the art? Each and every one to be put in a box of best actor (male or female), best director etc? Er, no I don’t think so. To be a good actor is to be the right actor, the performance that fits the job in hand. Some actors are remarkably versatile, others have a limited range but it all comes down to this audition, this meeting, this job. We all get far fewer parts than we audition for. We all have those long gaps of very little (or nothing) happening. This might go on for years but still it holds true that the next opportunity is the only one that matters.

I was a director and producer long before I started acting and, having sat on the other side of the casting process I know that the director is waiting to be surprised and energised by an actor; not hoping to squeeze someone into a template called ‘Good Actor’. We just have to get in the room or in front of the self-record mic or camera and make our offer. Take no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ baggage with you. Those things are blockers that prevent you from giving, and giving is what you are there for.

That’s what I say when people ask me ‘Am I any good?’

Today’s take-aways:

·         It’s not what they say, it’s what you say to yourself

·         ‘Am I any good?’ is not a relevant question

·         Give, don’t block