What on earth drives a man in his sixties to suddenly decide, ‘I’ll become an actor. I’ll only take proper paid jobs, no SAs (supporting artist, walk-ons or extra work). I’ll find an agent, join casting sites and put myself out there’?
Probably the answer is our old friend with the scythe, a bunch of crumpled-up calendar pages and the wry smile. She hangs around for all of us but likes to remind us of her presence as we hit those Key Performances Indicators on our travels to the Final Destination. She is a friend; without Madame Scythe there’s always another tomorrow. She reminds us that there isn’t so it’s time to act.
There was a desire, an intention but also a couple of those blockers that we all tend to bring out to wither before dinner and scupper before supper our hopes, dreams and ambitions. My number one was that I would look foolish if I failed, my number two was a complete blank on how to start because if I didn’t get any work I would look foolish as I failed… An unmerry go-round of embarrassment.
Number one was quickly dealt with. If I wanted to do it, I had to do it. I could give in to the fear or not. At the hard edge of it was a hard edge – do or don’t. I decided to do. It’s worth pausing there to reflect that we can sometimes allow ourselves to think that we’re the focus of a thousand staring eyes but in truth very few people would care if I succeeded or failed. The people who cared about me would still care if I got work or not. I pressed the button and decided to get a job. On to blocker number two.
In the mix of my personality I have a cautious streak. Yes, I’d decided to do this but I wasn’t about to commit a lot of money while I was in the exploratory phase. I started exploring possibilities online and came across a short film role I thought I could do but in order to apply for the role I would have had to spend some money signing up to the website. A bit of creative bravado was called for, so I found the production company’s details and gave them a call. ‘Sure’, said the producer who I got through to remarkably quickly, ‘we’re auditioning tomorrow. Come along and meet us.’ So the bravado paid off – and what would have been lost if it hadn’t been? Nothing really.
A script was sent. I learnt the lines (more about that anon), I auditioned (much more about auditioning to come) and got my first job. Oh, did I say it was a student film – that’s the way-in for many an actor looking for material for their CV and showreel. Some schools don’t pay anything, others, like this one, pay the EQUITY minimum and that was fine for me. The right student film, from a registered Film School is a great thing to do – often you’ll get a good, meaty short role with a fullish crew and bags of enthusiasm.
The shoot involved two pre-dawn calls at a harbour location in February. I was so cold that on the film you can see my phone hand shaking as I give some underling his instructions in my best world-weary up all night voice. What you can’t see are the hand warmers in my pockets, or my lower half in a sleeping bag. It was also very windy and with the sound of crashing waves none of the carefully rehearsed dialogue could be heard so this first shoot also gave me my first experience of ADR (Automatic Dialogue Replacement) in a London Sound Studio a few weeks later. But despite any difficulties I was hooked. I came alive in a new way during those freezing mornings. Being part of a team, the zoning in on Turn Over (camera running), Speed (not a drug, the sound person’s call from the days when tape had to run-up to the correct speed), sometimes ‘Hold for sound’ as a plane or dog made their aural presence felt, then Action and we’re off. I love it for the focus and the fellowship, the craft and the creativity. It just suits me and, contrary to what many believe there doesn’t seem to be any ego-trip involved. I don’t feel like I’m showing off, there’s no space in this particular zone for that.
I know that in the mix of my bravado, desire and, okay, ability there was also luck – the right job with the right people at the right time. Thank you, Matt and Becca. The finished film arrived and went. Then nothing… for a whole year, despite committing several of my jealously guarded £s, recording dozens of self-shoot auditions, attending a few ‘in the room’ auditions and getting through a couple of agents. Much resilience was called for and, with more than a few ups and downs, it was found. I discovered the key difference between stubbornness and tenacity. Stubborn stands while tenacious travels. When we are stubborn we stay where we are, legs akimbo and arms folded. When we are tenacious we look to where we want to be and find ways to move forwards.
So in that year of no work I was working in all sorts of ways – on my technique, on my messaging but most importantly on myself, my approach and attitudes. It is these things, the practical realities of getting fulfilling work and the inner realities of steeling and steering the ship of self that this blog will focus on. I believe that this will be of use to actors and non-actors young and older(er) alike.
Almost exactly one year after that first job I was on set again, having auditioned successfully for another film role. So successfully that the role had been changed as a result of what I offered when I met the director. The year that followed saw me in three more shorts in a variety of roles, an online ad and a bigger budget TV spot. Fees have ranged from less than £100 a day to several hundred to several thousand. That’s been good, but the sense of creative fulfilment – that’s been the real prize. Huzzah! The year also saw me cast in two more productions which fell through for various reasons and those are telling-tales that we’ll reflect upon and learn from in other blogs alongside all the other bits and pieces I’ve signposted in this initial outing.
I’m having fun doing something that I’ve always wanted to. Following my year of progress, the next year might bring more or less or none at all. I might have to change the title of this blog to ‘The late career’, I hope the current title doesn’t assume greater significance before I’ve had a full-tilt run at this new, late-in-life career. I, or scythe-girl, will keep you posted.
Today’s take-aways:
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Find your balance, weigh your caution and desire
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Add a touch of bravado – you’ve little to lose
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Travel flexibly - stubborn stands while
tenacious travels.
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